The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?