a bad idea.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Operation Purity has been aborted
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you