Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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