apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
