this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
