Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
