wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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