She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize