that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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