You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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