dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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