The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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