DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
