So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
