we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your penis caused this!
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