MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
