every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
