He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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