Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
