You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
