Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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