She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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