is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
