I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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