Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
