After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
