I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
