Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
