I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
