Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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