My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
