I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
