I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
