i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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