Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
