Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
