I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
