Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
