that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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