I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
