I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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