he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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