Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
