I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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