Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
