Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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