Just fell off a train. Bad.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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