dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
