Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
