So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
