I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
