Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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