Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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