literally had 100 drinks last night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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