everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
