never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
