I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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